| another sacred lover i shot dead. |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|02:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | melancholy and happy. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the transplants-california babylon | ] |
bloodfest was...amazing. the fire marshall shut it down at the warehouse because there werent enough fire exits. ANY excuse to end the rave. pigs. it was moved to an animal sanctuary way out north, past avondale. me and jaime were so pissed, but turned out to be suprisingly fun. mmm and we found good pills! speedy pills FINALLY. oh we were rolling ballz. this rave somewhat restored my faith in 'the scene', i mean lately raves in arizona have gone downhill so much its pathetic. we met so many awesome people. i got to suck face with todd *sigh* mmm he was goregous (probably the ecstasy). best kisser ive ever met...lord knows i love a man who can kiss. my only complaint was the cold. we were freezing our tits off! ahh i couldnt have made it without out the bonfires. driving home was interesting. how can you be sure to drive in your lane if the lane is dancing all over the place? well im glad i went, i needed to release my rave demons.
dancing the back of a truck to benny benassi
my name is pineapple.
you girls...suck that star.
im polly pocket and im on acid!
american version of kakihara...if i was single, i would be all over that man.
vampire teeth in the marine corps
amazing kandi for a lightshow?
oh yes, lets pour vodka on the fires. even better lets JUMP over the fires.
dj fresh and car heaters
child song?
stopping at every gas station to pee.
covered in dirt, we smell like desert rave. |
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| slomosexual |
[Oct. 13th, 2007|12:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | incubated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | system of a down | ] |
feverish disconnected ramblings its to shed the crazy like a skin thats gotten dull and uncomfortable. stream of consciousness is the only way to be. i was infautated because he was my father in another body. electra complex? perhaps. i have a strange relationship with my father. it was infatuation did i ever really love him? controlling posessive insane egotistical always right always won the argument, yah thats my father exactly. all i remember of childhood is through photographs that surface in the darkest parts of my mind. flashes and pieces. oh its time to go to work! the week is almost over yea boi. i want to be a go-go dancer when i grow up. |
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| you look a bit like coffee...and taste a little like me |
[Oct. 12th, 2007|11:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | two stickers for a dollar? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | clap your hands say yeah | ] |
ouch i hurt. pieces of my cervix are missing. they tried to cut all the sickness out. chills permeate my body. is it cancer? has it finally gotten to be cancer? the doctor said it got way worse since my last appointment. i have to go back in a week for the results. anxiety. fear. im cold. i cant have cancer. i feel fine.
the world laughs at your fucked up head and everyone is depressed. is no one happy?
i walk around tucson at night hoping to die. homeless people arent dangerous, but they are as cold as me. i love autumn and the lonliness of winter. december is remembered through a haze. i wish i still had a friend. i walk alone most nights. i love how i never make any sense except to myself. but in a year, will i recall what i was referring to? |
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| dance dance |
[Oct. 8th, 2007|02:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cat power | ] |
my body aches. the good kind of hurt, ive been dancing the night away. club crawl was fun. security didnt even card me! he just grabbed my breast and then let me through. i was pissed that he touched me, but i didnt say anything, considering i was under 21. i didnt really get that drunk, i had a magarita, and long island tea, and some beer. there was this one stage that was playing techno, it was awesome! i found some ravers in there, and chris got me some ecstasy. that stage was really the only one worth seeing. nobody was dancing at the other stages, and they looked at me strangely when started jumping up and down and all around. it was a good roll, i only took one, but damn! it was nice. they might be giants were supposed to be there, but i never saw them. whatever. i met so many people...like this one kid henry. he was dancing with me, and then he shouts in my ear that he wishes he was rolling. i found the kid that sold me the eckys and i got him some too. he was really nice we hung around each other for awhile. he gave me his number, i wonder if i should call him? i think im going to...whats the worst that could happen? he never calls me back. but he was sweet and we got along quite well. why do i attract bisexual men? it doesnt matter though, i like it. its already three in the afternoon. im going to buy groceries today! hmm...i wish he would call me. i miss being with him. he's so fucking funny and it makes me happy seeing him. the other day he did a Godfather impression. oh my god i almost cried it was hilarious. its crazy cold in this house. there's so much tile dusty dusty cold cold ceiling powder in my face. it makes me sad thinking about it too much. i hope we can be friends again. i really do hope it will be okay. *tears slipping down my face* jesus chan im so emotional. but im alive. i left the ice on the stove. it melted. would i have it any other way? its a lonely boat adrift in the midst of a perfect storm. haha BAD METAPHOR! up and down and back up then way down throw in a twist spill me sideways been fucked something lovely then fucked over raped and abused its just one was to misuse. im going to portland. its my rushmore. |
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| 'just me melting into eternity' |
[Oct. 1st, 2007|09:20 pm] |
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i feel so trendy, im at a coffee place with my laptop! i needed the get to the internet and i couldnt get a network from my house so i thought that i would try a caf'e. mmm....i was incredibly horny earlier. i still am. but the urge to fuck is slightly sated, at least for today. i went came to study because i dont have anything else to do, but there's nothing to study really. we went to visit joel's grave on the 30th. its already been a month since he died. i was incredibly upset the night before. that day was really nice i felt happy all day, which is really an accomplishment on my behalf. i glowsticked on his grave. we went around trying to see if he was the youngest there. there was one girl that was seventeen everyone else was old. it had just me melting into eternity written on her headstone. i thought that was original. there were kids skateboarding over someone's grave, the battery is almost dying. damn i wasnt done! |
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| more than a daydream. |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|01:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
i want to get out of here so badly. i didnt go to work today. well...i am going to go to work, but i have homework that needs to be done. i didnt do anything all weekend after "earthdance" more like the biggest dissapointment in my life! mmm. im at the library right now. and all i can concentrate on is that i want to leave tucson. not permanently, but for six months or so. i feel like suffocating. ive been seriously contemplating just saving up a thousand dollars and walking out the door. of course i should probably find jaime a replacement room mate. today i was so tempted to take all my money out and just leave. dissapear to california or oregon. stay at a motel for a week or so, find a waitressing job, i know i could do it. ive been so depressed this past weekend. i miss joel. i was doing fine, but...its hard to get out of bed sometimes. fuck i want out now! i want to live a different life. in a different city a different state. responsibility is a ball and chain. |
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| what was the last movie the made you cry? spider man 2? i see. |
[Aug. 24th, 2007|12:53 am] |
how many park rangers does it take to change a flat tire?
one hundred.
one to change the tire, the rest to watch.
im sunburnt from san diego. oh i had such a wonderful time. i felt so happy when we were there. i definitely needed it, to get away from fucking tucson arizona for a little while. i dont know...escaping from your static enviroment puts life into a different perspective. i got to thinking and i feel so much better. more later. |
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| when i was in the marines... |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|05:22 pm] |
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what to do when they drop that nuclear bomb:
drop to the floor. wait for debris to stop falling. clear your area. IF YOU ARE NOT VAPORIZED GET UP AND KILL! |
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| one of my coworkers committed suicide...how odd. |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|09:37 pm] |
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four minutes left til tyranny. breaks are so pointless, theyre a vehicle to make me realize how stuck at work i am. 2hours break 2 hours lunch 2 hours break 2 hours go home, it never ends! i could get a job as a studio photographer again but im addicted to corporate money i suppose. the air outside is almost crisp, hurry fall hurry. |
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| blood? no! its money flowing through my veins |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|07:22 pm] |
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2nd attempt to donate plasma, second time ive been DENIED! except she told me today that if i get here at exactly eight o clock saturday morning, she'll take me first. i will be there plastered all ova that bitch. i need my plasma money for ecstasy. last night i threw a shit fit, the neighbor musta thought i went insane. which i did, i suppose. i lost my mind. i never thought my body could be in so much physical pain i didnt sleep at all...i started crying like a child then went the pain (obviously) didnt recede, i resorted to throwing shoes at the wall and screaming i fucking hate being sick i do believe at one point i threw a mug because there was shattered glass in the kitchen the next morning. finally i faded into some delirious stupor and then at seven that morning i went to safeway and bought me a big thing of robotussin. hell is where infomercials and vomiting your life out coincide. i feel better. ahhh earthdance come sooner! |
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| it looked like half his head was missing |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|09:17 pm] |
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the human body holds so much blood. i dont know if he was dead or not, but as they loaded him into the ambulance i didnt have much hope. it was the perfect introduction to my day at work. hmm. |
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| that is the secret word |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|12:47 am] |
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the moon is pretty, the air is cold, my hands are sticky, my eyes are tired, the bricks are hard against my skin is dry but soft at the same time
i wish i had pot. i cant even pretend that theres resin to be raped from the pipe anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|10:29 am] |
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everybody! steve erwin is dead.
like no one saw that coming. |
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| hanging by an idiomatic thread. |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|03:40 pm] |
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work isnt giving me any work to do. my job now is how to spend six hours staring at a computer screen trying to look busy and attempting not to go insane. oh well. i could be delivering newspapers to old people. and i get to do my homework. as long as i dont get caught. a cat got into my apartment last night. well im assuming thats what happened because there was a cat sitting on my bed looking at me when i woke up. it was quite startling. gave it some milk, but i didnt have a meat sort of thingy to feed it. i tried to give her the tofu that had been sitting in my fridge, but she aggresively refused. i named it. and then it left. five more minutes of lunch left. i like that we have an 'internet cafe' here. but it wont allow me to go to myspace. argh...i must must feed the addiction, i havent been on there for a week. whatev. i learned how to swing glow sticks on strings. i almost fell in the bath tub today. the wounds on my feet are not healing, its really painful. and gross. i hate my hair thats all there is to it. i like my eyebrows. i have a doctors appointment this tuesday. time to go back to work. mmm. |
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| try and flow...like water. yeah, but someone built a fucking dam! oh. |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|11:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | carefree, with a lot of cares | ] |
picked a flower and detached the entire bush. no more flower picking for me! i love early morning, i hate getting up to experience it. a lady tried to sell me a nutragrain bar for one dollar. too much dollar, not enough nutragrain. i like not seeing my parents very often. they tend to be kind of pessimistic about my life. i dont think thats how its spelled. im happy right now, at this moment (yay!) thought you should know dear internet page.
i'd say the douchebag ratio is about the same for both schools...
people at work should get their asses out of their face. if you want me to show up for an orientation, one would think that serena needs to be notified that there is an orientation. because, contrary to popular belief, im not psychic. and when you call YELLING AT ME THAT I DIDNT SHOW UP, what an AWFUL employee with NO AMIBITION, dont be butt hurt when i put you in your goddamn place. almost lost my job though, yelling back at him. not really. but in the end, he HAD to concede that i had a point. he also had to admit if he cant train me properly, then i cant be faulted for not doing the job absolutely perfectly. hahaha |
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| putrify their minds |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|11:34 am] |
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little israeli girls signing bombs that will go into lebanon.people laugh and think thats cute. the world is fucking evil. |
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| i didnt pay for sarcasm |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|10:40 am] |
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'thanks for the E! ill get you back later'
that was in an email someone sent me. hmmm...nice to hear other people are enjoying their lives as well.
i met a guy at the gas station last night. we talked for awhile. he has the kindest face and most beautiful smile ive ever seen. hes from colorado. i gave him my number, he gave me his, perhaps ill see him again, maybe not.
drugs are emotions in a bag. that is what they are. emotions that are outside ourselves. thank you obviousness.
the lady at the bank deposited my money into the savings account even though i wrote the checking account number ALL OVER THE PLACE.
i even circled deposit into: CHECKING. so imagine my suprise when i check my account and realize that im three hundred dollars short to pay for pima. i was livid. it took her a lot of convincing, but eventually she fixed it. god damn right bitch.
haha i really dont care about anything.
"when you dont have any food in your refrigerator, its easy to get up in the morning"
-my father. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|05:46 pm] |
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i dont know if my optical nerve is going crazy or what. for the past few days i keep hallucinating. not anything wild or things that arent exactly there. but i can hardly read because the letters keep dancing. shadows in the corner of my eye little dots that shouldnt be on my clothes. i hope it stops soon. |
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